Ashley Madison, Adultery and Divorce. Is Your Life a Mess?

Ashley Madison is a website that facilitates married people having an affair. Their motto is "Life is short. Have an affair." It has been hacked, and the data related to the personal profiles of people registered has been made public. This will result in many divorces and separations when people discover their spouse was registered on the site.

What is the impact of the Ashley Madison hack on your divorce?

Adultery has no impact on your legal rights and obligations. In fact, the court is precluded from considering adultery when determining your legal rights and obligations.

Of course, if you are not an involved parent because you are preoccupied by your affair, adultery could indirectly have an impact on custody and access. Likewise, if you spent a lot of money on your affair, a judge may decide it is unconscionable that your spouse share in the resulting debt. Indirectly, adultery may have an impact.

Do you want revenge?

If you are the victim of adultery, you probably feel deeply hurt and want revenge. We have seen people get involved in long, bitter, costly legal battles because they wanted revenge from the court. In the end, they're just disappointed and frustrated because the judge did not give what they wanted. The judges are precluded from doing that. It is a “no fault” system in Canada.

What is your best next step?

Your best course of action is to get a resolution of the legal issues in a timely and cost-effective manner. Get it resolved and move on. Collaborative Practice is a process in which the parties work together to problem-solve the issues without going to court.

Go to our website. to learn more. When you are ready to move forward, contact us for a consultation. We can help. 

Written by Brian Galbraith, Owner and President of Galbraith Family Law.

"It's Complicated" - An Interesting Divorce Movie

Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin star in "It's Complicated". I thought it was a comedy but discovered it was much more.

Here is the trailer....


Meryl Streep's character is a middle-aged divorced woman who falls for her ex-husband, played by Alec Baldwin, ten years after having divorced him. She has three adult children who are caught in the middle, again. Steve Martin's character is recently divorced and pursues Meryl romantically. It sounds comical, and there were moments that made me laugh, but the profound moments outnumbered the giddy ones.

The lasting message I took from this movie is that sometimes you can't completely find closure after a divorce, even after ten years. Divorce is like a death in the family except you keep bumping into the other person, reminding you of the possibilities, the guilt and the consequences of the divorce on your kids. A negative feeling lingers on long after the dust has settled.

Although Alec Baldwin's character had an affair, Meryl Streep's character realized that she had made mistakes contributing to the end of their marriage too. Both characters regretted their mistakes, acknowledged their magnetic attraction to each other and their desire to make right those things that went wrong ten years earlier. It was poignant, thought provoking and interesting.

If you are looking for a laugh, don't watch this movie. If you are willing to look at the challenges of life after divorce with children, watch this movie. You will soon understand why it is called "It's Complicated."

Tiger Woods: Why Did You Do It?

GolferTiger Woods has become the focus of much ridicule recently as a result of his admission to having had extra-marital relations.  One publication suggests Tiger had 14 mistresses over the course of his short marriage. Wow! That's a lot!

Some have focused on Tiger being caught as a result of his use of text messages. This is a fascinating new development unheard of ten years ago. May I suggest the thoughtful blogs written by Dick Price, Ashley Russell and Daniel Clement for this angle.

But my friends all ask the same question: "Why would anyone in Tiger's position do this?" Tiger seems to have it all - money, fame, a career playing a game he loves, a beautiful wife, two healthy children - yet he appears to have thrown it all away with these acts of indiscretion.

Why Tiger?

The answer ... perhaps it was childhood wounds but I don't know Tiger personally so I can't speculate... sorry....

If your marriage has been rocked by an affair you are not alone. USA Today reports that 15% of wives and 25% of husbands have experienced extramarital intercourse. Can you believe those stats?  

I recommend you read  "After the Affair" by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D. In fact, both Tiger and his wife Elin would be wise to read this excellent book. It could help them answer "why?" It could help you too.

The author suggests that it is possible to rebuild trust in a marriage when a partner has been unfaithful and she even suggests how to do it. Even if reconciliation is not likely in your situation, this book is still worth reading whether you were the unfaithful partner or the hurt partner. If you know "why", you might avoid making the same mistake twice.

Dr. Springs suggests it all stems from child-hood wounds. She says:

... if you missed out on the development of the following critical growth experiences, you may never have developed into a healthy, secure, competent adult:

1. Being safe and secure.

2. Functioning independently in the world.

3. Having solid emotional connections with others.

4. Being valued.

5. Being free to express yourself.

6. Being free to let go and have fun.

7. Living with realistic limitations.

So, essentially, Dr. Springs suggests that your childhood emotional wounds can haunt you in adult-life leading to extra-marital affairs as an attempt to heal your wounds or in reaction to those wounds.

I am over-simplifying Dr. Spring's ideas. You need to read her book to understand her theory and apply it to your own life.

Neither Dr. Spring nor I are attempting to justify having an affair -  I feel it is wrong and tremendously hurtful to have an affair - but rather I am suggesting that Dr. Spring's book can help you discover the childhood wounds that may have lead to the adult indiscretions. She then offers ways of rebuilding the trust in your damaged marriage, and offers life-lessons for the rest of you whose marriage won't be able to recover from the deceit of an affair.

I commend Tiger for taking time away from his career to look deeply at his marriage and life. I hope he reads Dr. Spring's book during his time away from the golf course. Likewise, if your life has been rocked by infidelity, whether you were the unfaithful partner or the hurt partner, I strongly suggest you read Dr. Springs book... and take some time away from the golf course, if you must!

It appears that Tiger is heading for divorce according to US News.