Collaborative Musical! Another Great Video!
Here is another great video. It's another funny one! The first musical!!
Should Step-Mom Sandra Bullock Start a Court Battle for Custody or Consider a Collaborative Lawyer?
Have you ever believed that Hollywood stars live charmed lives? They seem so powerful, beautiful, rich, and confident. Yet, 
real pain and disappointment can creep into their lives - just like it does in our lives. They have choices to make, just like you and me.
Academy Award winner Sandra Bullock must have felt thrilled when she won an Oscar for her performance in the blockbuster "The Blindside". Yet, within a couple of weeks of her big win, her husband admitted to acts of infidelity.
Wow! Can you imagine the impact; she went from being on top of the world to the depths of despair all within a few days. But that's life. Whether you are a Hollywood or just regular guy or gal.
The question for Sandra Bullock is whether she will be able to maintain a relationship with her husband's children. According to a story in Jeffrey Cottrill's blog at the Divorce Magazine website, Sandra relished her relationship with Jesse James' three children. She was especially close to his six year old daughter Sunny.
Micheal in Niren and Associates Blog explains what would happen if Bullock and James were living in Ontario and Sandra Bullock sought an order for custody of Sunny in Court here:
If Bullock and James were Ontario residents and Bullock requested custody of Sunny, the courts would look at whether Bullock provided financially for the child, the nature of their relationship and whether Bullock had maintained in both private and public life that she was Sunny’s parent and acted in such a manner. After determining whether Bullock was indeed a parent to Sunny, the courts would have to look at other factors to determine how custody between Bullock and James would play out. His behavior may not make him an unfit parent by default, but it may be considered if it hurt Sunny in any way or affected his ability to act as a parent.
Both Bullock and James would then have to make their case as to their relationship with the child, their willingness to raise and take care of the child and how they plan to do so, the stability of their homes and other factors. Blood relations are also considered, as is the choice of the child herself.
Frankly, the outcome is difficult to predict. Biological parents are generally preferred over step- parents but if the Court believed it was in Sunny's best interests that Bullock have custody, it is possible she would win. Surprisingly, Sunny's biological mother is rumoured to be willing to support Bullock if she starts a court battle.
Court is a battle. As a former litigator, I remember I was either "chucking or ducking". Chucking mud at the other side or trying to duck from the lobs coming my way. Everyone hated Court. The animosity between the parents usually escalated and in the end often the parents could not even imagine parenting cooperatively . It was a mess. The biggest loser was the childre
n. Kids suffer when their parents are fighting whether face-to-face or through lawyers in Court.
Mr. Justice Harvey Brownstone, is in his stunningly brilliant book entitled "Tug of War: A Judge's Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles, and The Bitter Realities of Family Court", strongly attacks the court system declaring it should be the place of last resort to resolve custody and access issues... and this is from a judge who has been presiding over family law cases for over 14 years.
Justice Brownstone asks in his book "how can two parents who love their child allow a total stranger to make crucial decisions about their child's living arrangements, health, education, extracurricular activities, vacation time, and degree of contact with each parent?"
If Bullock and James take their case to Court with traditional lawyers, it will be a huge mess. It will take months or even years to resolve. Can you imagine the turmoil, pain and grief for their little girl? She will be in the spotlight for months as the matter creeps through the court system. Her biological mother, a former Penthouse model, is presently in jail for tax evasion. What a start to life for little Sunny. Fighting. Pain. Anger. Jail. Court. Ugh.
If Sandra Bullock came to me, I would recommend the Collaborative Team Process.
Mr. Justice Brownstone describes the Collaborative process in his book as follows:
In the Collaborative family law process, the parents and their lawyers work together as members of a settlement team, rather than working against each other as opposing parties....The parents learn to focus on their common interests, understand each others perspective and concerns, exchange information, treat each other with respect, and explore the widest possible range of choices.
I would represent Ms Bullock's interests and Jesse James would retain his own Collaboratively trained lawyer. We would find a Divorce Coach for them who would help both parties work through the huge emotional issues related to the end of their marriage.
I would want Bullock to work through her emotional issues with the Divorce Coach so they won't create an impediment to the resolution of the parenting issues. Many times anger about an affair fuels a fight about the children in court. I would not want that for my client.
Bullock and James would then jointly retain a Parenting Coach who is a social worker with special training in the needs of children going through a divorce. The Parenting Coach would probably meet with Sunny to get to know her needs and meet with Bullock and James together and separately. The Divorce Coach would then discuss resolution of the parenting issues with the parties, sharing the recent researc
h into the best interests of children in these situations. The negotiations would be difficult, no doubt, but they would be future-oriented, respectful, private and all about finding the best solution for Sunny's future. As in most Collaborative cases, I would expect we would achieve a negotiated settlement.
If there is some aspect of the parenting arrangements that Bullock and James cannot reach agreement on, we would jointly retain someone to act as an arbitrator who would resolve the issue. The arbitrator's decision would be final and binding - just like a court order. No need to go to Court for difficult issues.
The Collaborative Team Practice process has many bumps in the road to settlement but eventually, like in most cases, Bullock and James would work out an agreement that they craft. It wouldn't be decided by a stranger (a judge) but rather by the clients with the help of their team of professionals. It would be a resolution that meets both party's core concerns. The cost would be less than if they went to court and the resolution would likely be achieved faster.
What do you think Sunny would prefer happen: a huge bloody, drawn out, public court battle or a private, respectful Collaborative settlement?
I think Sunny would be proud of her parents if they were able to negotiate an agreement for her sake so if you are speaking to Sandra Bullock... give her my number. I am here to help.
Why Should You Refer Divorcing Clients and Friends to Collaborative Lawyers in Barrie, Ontario?
Why should y
ou refer your divorcing clients, patients and friends to a Collaborative lawyer?
Here is why….
Doctors, Dentists, Health Care Practitioners: You know that a divorce battle is one of the most stressful events in a patient's life, especially for their children. You give your patients the gift of a less stressful way to divorce, promoting good health, if you refer them to a Collaborative lawyer. You will be a hero.
Marriage counselors, therapists: You know the destructive impact of divorce battle on families, especially children. You are giving your clients the gift of a healthier way of untangling their relationships with better prospects for a healthier relationship post-separation when you refer your clients to a Collaborative lawyer. You will be a hero.
Non-Family Law Lawyers: You know that a good referral to a client will solidify their trust in you. You can't give a better referral than to a Collaborative lawyer who uses a process that costs less, results in better settlements, is less destructive and is faster than the court system. You will be a hero.
Accountants, bookkeepers, financial planners, bankers: You know that a divorce battle can result in the destruction of the wealth you helped your clients accumulate and tear apart relationships between business partners. You give your clients the gift of a faster, more cost-effective way of resolving divorce issues thus preserving your client's wealth when you refer them to a Collaborative lawyer. You will be a hero.
Real estate agents, mortgage brokers: You know how difficult it is to facilitate a sale or purchase of a home when your clients are in a court battle. You give your clients the gift of a smoother resolution of divorce issues, including those related to the sale of their home, by referring your clients to a Collaborative lawyer. You will be a hero.
Priests, Rabbis, Ministers: You know that divorce is a reality for many in your congregations and can bring out the worst in them, leading them away from their faith. You give the members of your congregation the gift of a way of resolving divorce related issues that is more peaceful, respectful and dignified when you refer them to a Collaborative lawyer. You will be a hero.
Hairdressers, bartenders, personal trainers: You know all the stories of destruction and unimaginable costs to individuals, families and children by divorce battles. You give your clients the gift of a less destructive way of separating when you refer them to a Collaborative lawyer. You will be a hero.
Friends, family, acquaintances: You know the pain and costs of a divorce battle. You are giving a gift of a better way to resolve separation issues when you refer someone to a Collaborative lawyer. You will be a hero.
Heros... remember to make sure the lawyer you refer your clients, family and friends to actually has training in Collaborative Practice. Not all family law lawyers have the special training. They might say they are “collaborative” meaning they try to settle their cases before trial. Special skills, an intense commitment to settlement and an in depth knowledge of the process are necessary to be a true Collaborative Lawyer and that comes with training. Our association lists those with training in Simcoe County. The international association, the IACP, also lists criteria for practicing members.
Refer someone to a Collaborative lawyer.
Be a hero.
Barrie Divorce Courts and Fathers
Question: Will a father in Divorce Court in Barrie, Ontario get a fair hearing?
Answer: Not always but I agree with the general sentiments of Michael Niren in his blog entitled "A Father's Right's in Divorce" when he says the following:
The idea that courts will generally side with the mother comes from the court attempting to rule for what is best for the child while remaining practical. Generally, the mother may be the primary caregiver, has remained home with the child since birth, or the father has been the one to leave the marital home in the event of a marriage breakdown. These factors influence the court’s custody decision, but they are not always a standard representation of each family situation, and circumstances can often be the direct opposite or both parents can be equally loving, responsible and fit to be a welcomed part of their children’s lives.
Michael is responding in his blog to an article in the National Post which characterizes the Courts as having fallen prey to the rants of radical feminists. The newspaper article suggests these radicals can be found primarily in the Women's Studies programs at Canadian universities and is happy to see the demise of these programs. In essence, they argue that the the Courts favour women because the judges have been corrupted by radical feminists.
It is a polemic intended to catch people's attention but does not reflect reality.
A few weeks ago, I did a blog called "Why Dad's Suffer in Court" in which I argue that it is not judges who should be blamed for any injustices that may occur to fathers (and they do occur from time to time) but rather it is the judicial system itself that is the cause. I stand by that blog.
I believe that clients are best served when they use the Collaborative Team Process to resolve the outstanding issues related to their divorce.
Collaborative Team Process is a radical new way of resolving divorce-related issues. All parties and professionals commit to resolving the issues without going to Court. Should one of the parties choose Court, everyone must start all over with new professionals.
The clients have the additional cost of starting over so have an incentive to negotiate in good faith. The lawyers lose their clients if the matter proceeds to Court so they put 100% of their energy into settling the case.
In Ontario, as in most of North America, we are moving toward a team model. The Divorce Coach helps both of you prepare for meetings by moving you through the emotional stages of divorce and case manages the process. The Parenting Coach will help you develop a parenting plan. The Financial Specialist will help you work through the division of property and support issues. The lawyers help resolve any issues that arise, offer the range of legal outcome, help analyze the settlement options and ensure the final agreement is legally binding. The whole process works very efficiently and empowers you to make your own decisions.
The research shows that about 85% of cases result in settlement. What is remarkable is that even if clients are not able to resolve their issues through the Collaborative Process, they will still recommend it to their family and friends! Wow! Isn't that amazing?
In over 20 years of practicing family law, none of my clients have been pleased with the Court process, win or lose. The Court process is slow, costly, inefficient and you are giving the power to resolve issues to a stranger: the Judge. They do their best to dispense "Justice" but, as one of my clients said "This ain't a 'justice system'... it is 'just a system'"
The judges do their best to dispense justice but it isn't easy. You know what is best for yourself and your family. With the help of professionals walking with you through the process, you can resolve the issues yourself. Not only will the results be better, it will be less costly and take less time to resolve.
I love Collaborative Team Process... can you tell?
Why Dads Suffer in Court
Susan Piggs recently had an excellent article in the Toronto Star entitled "Divorced Dads Can't Catch a Break" . She outlines the many grievances of fathers who feel mistreated by the Ontario Court system
. It's sad to read the stories of so many aggrieved fathers.
Many of these fathers believe that judges are intentionally against men and will do everything in their power to keep men paying support and keep men away from their children. I don't blame the judges: I blame the adversarial system. And I certainly feel sorry for the fathers who have suffered.
When it comes to children, judges are mandated to ensure that the best interests of the children are paramount. Judges struggle with their decisions. They truly want to do what is best for the children and generally start with the principle that it is in the best interests of the children to maintain a meaningful relationship with both parents. If they are faced with overwhelming evidence that limited access or supervised access is the best approach for the children, what would you want them to do? I would prefer they err on the side of protecting children rather than risking harm to them. No doubt, the judges get it wrong sometimes leaving fathers without access unjustifiably.
The adversarial process assumes that both parents will put forward their best case and the judge will somehow miraculously determine "the truth" and will dispense "justice" accordingly. Often parents don't intentionally lie but rather see the world from a different perspective than the other parent. The judges have to discern the truth. It isn't an easy job. Sometimes they get it wrong.
The whole adversarial process pits one parent against another. It creates an atmosphere of "winner take all" which exacerbates the conflict. Increasing the animosity between the parents often leads children to suffer. Ironically, judges are supposed to be looking after the best interests of the children yet the adversarial system itself can make things worse.
I believe that most cases can be resolved without going to court. In my experience having mediated hundreds of family law cases and helped many families resolve their situations using the Collaborative Process, I believe parents are usually able to resolve their parenting issues on their own with just a little help and advice from well meaning collaboratively-trained professionals and mediators.
In the Collaborative Team Process, parents work with a neutral Parenting Coach who will help them craft a parenting plan that is best for their children having regard to the children's needs, the research on the developmental needs of children and the ability of each parent to meet those needs. The parents are empowered to problem-solve in the Collaborative Process instead of being encouraged to fight as is the case in the court system.
I have met many men who blame judges for their plight. Maybe some of them have legitimate grievances but having appeared before many judges over the years, I believe most are well-meaning men and women who are just doing the best job possible given the restrictions of the adversarial process. Frankly, I don't believe it's the judges' fault... it's just that the adversarial system is not the best way of resolving parenting issues.
